Self-Sweetness: an incomplete list

Sweetness for my body/mind/heart/soul is:

All-dressed chips

Long baths

Consensual pain

Singing at the top of my lungs

Shaking it off

Walking

Disco

Moisturizing

Extra water

Saying no

Sunshine

Being alone

Not washing my hair

Brushing my hair

Kissing what hurts

Selfies

Sweat

Tahini

Slowing down

Seeking fire

Feet on the ground

Wiggling

Bad puns

Chatting with ancestors

Tears

Jelly tots

Being naked

Stretches

Tattoos

Shoulder girdle down

Dark lipstick

House-only outfits

Dad dancing

Mixing music

Writing words

Writing gibberish

Grieving

Clean socks

Growing my nails

Asking for help

Talking fast

Jiggling my fat

Soaking in rain

Flexing in the mirror

Cuddling

Choosing risk

Running

Farts

Petting dogs

Touching all the things

Being touched

Expressing desire

Rocks in my pockets

Cedarwood oil

Headphones

Cooking food

Eating out

Soda pop

Sleep

White noise

Fresh pineapple

Black spruce

Listening

Telling the same story

Trying new things

Taking the long way home

Making lists

Looking at the horizon

The Moon

Zoning out

HGTV

Making less rules

Embracing flow

Humming to myself

Hands on my heart

Doing nothing

Fidgeting

Being vulnerable

Ignoring everyone

Siblings

Big burps

Trusting myselves

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Self-Sweetness: an incomplete list

reclaiming needy

Reclaiming NEEDY.
From abusers.
From isolation.
From ableism.
From misogyny.
From capitalism.
From domination.
From classism.
From shame.

No Shame NEEDY means:
Needy as boundaries.
Needy as connection.
Needy as engagement.
Needy as transformation.
Needy as honesty.
Needy as showing up.
Needy as contribution.
Needy as caring.
Needy as nurturing.
Needy as validating.
Needy as fulfilling.
Needy as reciprocity.
Needy as loving.
Needy as anti-capitalist.
Needy as anti-individualist.

Cause this world is needy:
Needing change.
Needing care.
Needing healing.
Needing power.
Needing transformation.
Needing justice.

reclaiming needy

on harm reduction as a survivor

things I am trying to remember as a survivor of abuse:

– my hurt is real and true AND I don’t want to project this hurt onto others

– I have a tendency to use controlling behaviours to hurt others, using my history as a justification, which is abusive

– my desire for punitive measures against others is understandable based on the hurt AND does not work towards the kinds of community I desire

– somewhere in my body I believe that people can grow and change and while it might not be my role to support this in people who have perpetrated against me, i don’t want to prevent them from having these supports and connections

-while it scares me, I value when people call me out/in for my abusive and controlling behaviours, many which emerge from my experiences of violence, as it helps me work towards healing and reclaiming my actions from trauma.

In all this I want to recognize that survivorship is a really complex and diverse experience. These are important rememberances for me and won’t apply to everyone who is navigating trauma and survivorship

on harm reduction as a survivor